Let me just get this out in the open. Just because I have children does not automatically bond us in friendship, or even acquaintanceship. More importantly, the display of photos of my kids on my desk is not an invitation to show me pictures of yours.
See, my kids are freaking cute. They may very well be the cutest, most adorable micro-humans on the face of the earth. They both have heart-warming smiles and twinkly little angel eyes. Their sweet little faces are just perfect. I keep their images at my desk because they bring me a little bit of joy and calm during my day of dealing with idiots. My shrine to these amazing little specimens is not to incite conversation from you. You may very well earn brownie points by complimenting my little guys. However, the second you pull out your phone (because who carries photos in their wallet anymore?) those points instantly disappear. Along with my respect. If I WANTED to see your heathens, I'd troll your desk... or Face Book page. But I don't. Because my kids are cuter than your kids.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Today We Celebrate... ME!
This morning my darling children showered me with several mother's day gifts. They included:
1. A mystery plant (this thing BETTER not turn into a vegetable)
2. Two paper flowers with chenille stems shoved into a hunk of clay (might make a good paper weight)
3. A giant mug inscribed in sharpie with "worlds best mom" and their names. (I actually give G credit for this.. it's pretty much payback for the one I got him last year, and an homage to the late great Michael Scott. He did pick a large mug, and I have an affinity for office supplies, so it'll make a great pen holder)
4. A card from the boys that says "if you were a rock star...." (Thanks for crushing the delusion that I actually was a rockstar)
5. A card from G that implies I steal the covers (nothing but lies...)
I guess what's really important is what the gifts really say. Here's what I imagine my children would really be telling me if they could.
1. Thanks for making idle threats and letting us get away with things. Truth is, we'd probably do it anyway; your weak consequences are so worth it.
2. Thanks for teaching me not to play with my penis in public. Although this makes no sense to me now, I will be grateful to evade arrest in the future.
3. Thank you for giving up after the third time I've woken up and letting me sleep with you at 3:30 AM.
4. Thanks for not kicking me out of your bed when I elbow you in the face at 3:45.
5. and finally, Thank you for reminding me we are late in the morning. I would never know we were behind schedule if you didn't tell me I had 2 minutes to finish my breakfast 5 different times.
Yeah, my kids are pretty lucky they got me! Hope all of you had as great a Mother's Day as I did!!
1. A mystery plant (this thing BETTER not turn into a vegetable)
2. Two paper flowers with chenille stems shoved into a hunk of clay (might make a good paper weight)
3. A giant mug inscribed in sharpie with "worlds best mom" and their names. (I actually give G credit for this.. it's pretty much payback for the one I got him last year, and an homage to the late great Michael Scott. He did pick a large mug, and I have an affinity for office supplies, so it'll make a great pen holder)
4. A card from the boys that says "if you were a rock star...." (Thanks for crushing the delusion that I actually was a rockstar)
5. A card from G that implies I steal the covers (nothing but lies...)
I guess what's really important is what the gifts really say. Here's what I imagine my children would really be telling me if they could.
1. Thanks for making idle threats and letting us get away with things. Truth is, we'd probably do it anyway; your weak consequences are so worth it.
2. Thanks for teaching me not to play with my penis in public. Although this makes no sense to me now, I will be grateful to evade arrest in the future.
3. Thank you for giving up after the third time I've woken up and letting me sleep with you at 3:30 AM.
4. Thanks for not kicking me out of your bed when I elbow you in the face at 3:45.
5. and finally, Thank you for reminding me we are late in the morning. I would never know we were behind schedule if you didn't tell me I had 2 minutes to finish my breakfast 5 different times.
Yeah, my kids are pretty lucky they got me! Hope all of you had as great a Mother's Day as I did!!
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