Fair is Fair

(warning... this post is a bit long, and very serious)

Some time ago, I had a conversation with my oldest son while we were driving in the car. He asked me something that prompted me to (jokingly) respond with "you are not allowed to get married until you are 35". Well, he's pretty sharp for a 4 year old and quickly pointed out that I was not yet 35. Of course, I was then obligated to answer seriously. "Actually, you can get married after you turn 18 and find the person you love the most".

Well, if this conversation had happened today I would have to add "as long as that person's a woman or you move to New York.". Tuesday night, an amendment to the North Carolina Constitution was passed that causes my heart to be heavy and sad. In short, the amendment officially changes the constitutional definition of marriage to state "marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union...". (And to be fair, I am not short changing the amendment... it truly is only 3 sentences long.)

On the surface, I am sad because I truly, wholeheartedly believe in marriage equality. I don't even know why its an issue in this country in 2012. We've come so far over the years to treat everyone equally and lead the world in Human Rights efforts. It's sad to think we still can't get over ourselves on this issue.

The amendment is not only a gay rights issue. It will also have far reaching effects for non-married straight couples. For example, I have an aunt who was with her boyfriend for about 15 years. They shared a home, shared finances, helped care for each other's children. They were essentially married without the piece of paper. He passed away earlier this year. Had that happened here in NC after this amendment, and his family wanted to fight her on his wishes, she wouldn't have a leg to stand on since their relationship was illegal according to the state constitution.

My disappointment goes much deeper, though. What the amendment stands for is almost as detrimental as what it says. First of all, there is already a law on the books in NC that bans same-sex marriage. Changing the constitution to reflect this is just kicking someone when he's down. It will effectively prevent future attempts at changing the law by making it "unconstitutional". Also, historically (based on amendments to the US Constitution) changes to the backbone of a society are used to clarify and grant rights, not revoke them. North Carolina is the last state in "the south" to adopt such an amendment. Instead of taking this opportunity to be a leader, a shining example of the progress our country is inevitably headed towards, we've joined ranks with the 'good ol' boys' as to not disrupt the Scotch sipping parlor conversations. I know in part, my disappointment can be attributed to caring and being optimistic. I really believed this would not pass, I passionately voted against, publicised my viewpoint, and encouraged others to do the same. I felt connected to the issue and it just plain hurts that it did not go the way I hoped.

Ultimately I do feel this will be repealed. It will take time, and more tax payer and philanthropic dollars. But if there is one truth I have discovered about the LGBT community is they do not back down. They do not give up. I am so proud of my LGBT family and friends for the work they have done and will continue to do.

I realize I am so very lucky. I have an amazing, sweet, loving, kind, caring husband. He builds me up when I need it, supports me in my choices (even when they're a little crazy). He provides for our family without question or complaint. And he's the most amazing father. I just hope that one day, if either of my sons decides they want the same thing, they won't have to fight for it.