30 on ... Staying Gold

"Nature's first green is gold, 

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower, 

But only so an hour. 

So leaf subsides to leaf, 

So Eden sank to grief.

As dawn goes down today,

Nothing Gold can stay." 

                         -Robert Frost

Anyone who truly knows me also knows that my all time favorite movie is "The Outsiders". This is not solely based on my life-long crush on Ralph Macchio I swear; I also love the book. One of the secondary themes in the story is "staying gold", which is first brought up by the above poem. Frost is basically saying when something is new (like the first green of spring) it's pure, precious, and innocent (like gold). But inevitably time surges on, things age and change and loose their luster. It's eloquently written and has a lot of truth to it, but is also somewhat depressing. 

It is inevitable that time marches on and we grow and change, often becoming jaded. We forget too quickly the innocence, the carefree nature of our youth. Life gets in the way, and all too often we get caught up in going through the motions to really appreciate the experiences we are having. It's easy to take ourselves too seriously. However, I believe we have some choice in Staying Gold. It's a conscious choice we have to make, and, like anything, some days are easier than others.

Here's my advice on Staying Gold. Maintain a sense of wonder and curiosity. As we age our bank of knowledge naturally grows, but if we stop asking questions life becomes dull. Staying gold means to sometimes take time to just be in the moment that's happening; don't always stress about what's scoming next. Allow yourself to be silly. Always have a dream; keep ambition in your heart to do something more. Never settle!! Once you've reached a goal, take time to celebrate the accomplishment, then set a new goal. Keep dreaming of things you want to do and actively work towards doing them. Even if you don't accomplish all of the things you want to do, the process of trying will be fulfilling enough to help keep your heart young and happy. Remember times of joy and happiness. And above all else, know that you are never defined by the sum of circumstances. Sometimes things just suck. And often we don't have a lot of control over those things. We always have control, however, to not allow those things to determine who we are or limit what we can do in life.

In the last verse of the theme song for the movie, Stevie Wonder sings "life is but the twinkling of an eye...". Don't let the twinkle fade out, and leave you sorrowful and dull. Stay Gold.

What does "stay gold" mean to you?

30 on ... Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such an intriguing concept to me. On the surface it seems relatively simple. Most people have a general idea of what the word means. I think the notion, though, is so much more dynamic than its common definition. Its meaning shifts and molds to the need of the person.

One repeated explanation I’ve heard (generally coming from a Dr. Drew or Oprah type) is that forgiveness is essential to letting go of painful or toxic emotions, and is almost solely for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving. It is NOT forgetting; it is NOT about assisting the other person clear their conscience or letting them ‘off the hook’. It IS a mechanism to allow you to move on with your life.

While I don’t entirely disagree, there are some fundamental differences in my definition of forgiveness. I do agree that it can help you move forward and let go of the past. But to me, forgiveness is about moving forward with more of a purpose; it says that your relationship with someone (past, present, and/or future) is worth more than their past transgressions. It IS intended to help absolve guilt that someone may harbor. Sometimes forgiveness comes as a byproduct of accepting your own responsibility in a situation. And, I believe, to be forgiven you have to show some sense of regret.

I have forgiven many people in my life, for small things and grand ones. I have forgiven both parents (for very different things) because being in my life, and my children’s lives, is much more important than anything they did or didn’t do in the past. I’ve forgiven a dear friend (and myself) for a falling out we had that caused some distance between us for a while because our history together is more valuable than one disagreement. The whole as our friendship is much more than one hiccup. I have even forgiven an ex- not because a current or future relationship depends on it, but because I have been able to assess the situation with some distance, accept my culpability, and realize reasons that we were both wrong.  All of this was for the sake of ‘moving on’ and/or strengthening my relationship with that person.

But not everyone is deserving of forgiveness. When I was young I was the victim of a series of traumatic events at the hands of one specific person. I will NEVER be able to forgive this person. Ever. The damage that was done is just far too great. He’s never been held accountable or shown an ounce of remorse. But even if he had, it wouldn’t matter. I do carry some resentment and even hatred in my heart. However, those negative feelings are very focused toward that ONE person. I don’t NEED to forgive him in order to be happy in my life. I may not have completely let go but I have moved on. I don’t allow the disdain for one person spill over into the other facets of my life. I have chosen to rise above the damage and focus on loving the people who truly mean something to me.

So, to me, forgiveness can definitely aid in guiding you through tricky waters, but it is not synonymous with being happy and having a healthy psyche. What does Forgiveness mean to you?

30 on.....

This blog was initially created out of a book idea I've mulled over for the past 7 years or so. (Read more about it here). It's pretty obvious when I started the blog it was relatively disorganized and the vision was somewhat unclear. I've slowly been making updates and changes to better align with my original ideas (which is also the reason behind the blog title). I will still post some random funny things, as well as Wednesday Rants. However you may notice more consistency and a slightly more serious tone to the writings. I hope you enjoy them as much as the other posts. And of course I always encourage your opinions in the comments section. I sincerely appreciate all the support you've all given me thus far. It truly means the world to me.

-Heather

Wednesday Rants: People who piss of Muslims

Okay, so I've gone missing the past two weeks. And my grad school app still isn't quite complete... forgive me for the not so timeliest of topics. Nonetheless, it is still important.

Dear Mr. I'm-going-to-make-a-video-that'll-piss-off-2.2 billion people,
WTF man? I mean really?? Thanks a lot from the rest of us Americans who have to face your consequences.

I get that part of this is an issue in free speech. I believe we do have the right to free speech, even if our opinion isn't necessarily popular. Political Correctness in our country can be a little overdone sometimes. That being said we are also obligated to exercise our rights and freedoms responsibly. We should think about what implications our expression of rights may have on the rest of our society. I get that you might dislike the Islamic religion, or hate the Muslim people (for whatever convoluted reasons you may have). But when you intentionally do something that essentially attacks the core values of nearly 1/3 of the world's population, you have to expect that someone other than yourself might experience the consequences of your actions. In this case, a man who was entrusted with representing this country in an already volatile area lost his life... because one man who had the 'freedom' and 'right' to make an insulting, ignorant video was too selfish to consider that possibility. So many people in the Middle East, Muslim or otherwise, already hate Americans. Was it really necessary to fuel that fire just because you could?

This guys isn't the only one on my list for this reason. His story was just the loudest. Let's not forget the man who shot up a Sheik Temple (having mistook it for an Islamic one) in Wisconsin a few short months ago. The fact that he couldn't take 10 minutes to do a little research is truly beside the point.
And of course just after video guy someone in Europe published a newspaper cartoon displaying Muhammad as an image (rather than a symbol which is against Islamic rule). It's so unnecessary, and quite frankly an abuse of the very rights that we fight for.